First published in 1830, “Le Livre Sans Titre” (A Book Without a Title), warned young squires and dandy boys of the harmful effects of masturbation with TOTALLY accurate information.
It’s truly a miracle that anyone lives past puberty!
He was young, handsome; his mother’s fond hope…
He corrupted himself! … soon he bore the grief of his error, old before his time… his back hunches…
A devouring fire sears his gut; he suffers horrible stomach pains…
See his eyes once so pure, so brilliant; they are extinguished! a fiery band envelops them.
He can’t walk any more… his legs give way
Hideous dreams disturb his slumber… he cannot sleep…
His teeth rot and fall out…
His chest burns… he spits up blood…
His hair, once so lovely, falls as if from old age; his scalp grows bald before his age…
He hungers; he wants to satiate his appetite; food won’t stay down in his stomach…
His chest collapses… he vomits blood…
Pustules cover his entire body… he is terrible to behold!
A slow fever consumes him, he declines; all of his body burns up…
His entire body stiffens! … his limbs stop moving…
He is delirious; he stiffens against death; death gains strength…
At the age of 17, he expires, and in horrible torment.
Submitted by: Unknown
Via: izismile.com
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This information is absolutely correct.
– posted posthumously via certified medium
Life is short, fap more
Or at least until you need glasses:
[http://cheezburger.com/ninth1der/lolz/View/4678961664]
Agreed
I call shenanigans! I’ve been fapping for well over 20 years, and I’m only up to the hideous dreams part.
Clearly you need to increase the frequency with which you fap.
If this is totally accurate, I should have died 32 years ago. Fapping must be keeping me young!
Wow. Sounds more like syphilis to me. Which maybe they could avoid by masturbating more, whoring less.
Yeah .. I thought syphilis. (and my sons are very healthy in early 40′s lol)
I was thinking more like the plague or black death lol!
best friend did you really post this? haha
u r right! sounds like good old syphilis to me too. Quite tricky getting it from yourself though.
And consumption
Yeah, something about the whole spitting up blood/going bald thing doesn’t square with syphilis. Then again, the open sores along the length of the penis in early stages might make me vomit and lose hair as well… One never knows.
And ironically, its not long after this that the vibrator was invented
LOL — Wikipedia says it was the fifth electried device in households — before the vacuum and iron.
As a cure for a condition called “Hysteria” that was rife in women at the time, I sh*t you not!
The word Hysteria actually comes from the latin “hyster” which means “womb”….
and that just pisses me off.
Hyster is ancient greek! Latin was uterus.
damn me!
The vibrator was invented to treat ‘hysteria’ in women. It was considered a medical condition. All it really was was that women weren’t getting enough!
this sounds more like the plague than a maturbation problem….i mean…if you look at what happens to a person during the plague and what is described here, it’s similar. then again….it could be saying that masturbations LEADS to the plague…in which case if this were true, many people would be gone from the world.
Oh man oh man oh man … I’ll never ever EVER wear a towel wrapped around my head again.
you made my evening!
;___; forever alone
so that towel is the real source of his suffering then! maybe the towel is cursed or infected by plague…
omg omg omg that’s all make sense now
Sounds more like “Consumption”, i.e., tuberculous. A very common disease in that time period.
Yeah…I was thinking tuberculosis too.
yyyup
*nods* that’s what I was thinking as well. huh. maybe I’d better go get a lung x-ray…
or does that only apply to males since Queen Victoria ruled that women couldn’t unnaturally abuse their own bodies? *snerk*
I was thinking TB, or smallpox, or some kind of plague.
Looks like tuberculosis, as you point out. I don’t know about the pustules, but everything else seems to fit. What a drag. Not only dying of consumption, but having everybody think he got it that way.
This makes me think more of the dangers of the opium dens of the time period than anything else.
-Pale, lack of personal hygiene
-Red eyes
-Exposure to tuberculosis (consumption)
-pustules (Needle tracks maybe?)
-Digestive issues (opiates interfere with peristalsis and can cause cramping, vomiting, etc.)
I thought opium was smoked back then, you know, with the dens and the hookahs.
FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAP, FAPWhat a giant wanker!
… I can fap to this.
Oh dear God, for the sake of all that’s holy, pass me the eye bleach. Quickly. Lest I decline.
my boyfriend should have died YEARS ago
You gave him syphilis?
If I looked like he does to begin with (at 17!), I would probably have to masturbate myself to death.
Meth. Not even once.
And this is why young men were often encouraged to “sow their wild oats.”……………… Soooooooooooooooooo…. you mean to tell me it’s safer to sleep with a prostitute? I’ll stick to fapping, thankyouverymuch.
Actually sounds like radiation poison to me, or some other illness.
True story bro.
Actually, it looks like the poor boy had both syphilis (hair loss, pustules) and tubercolosis (coughing up and vomiting blood).
It sounds like he died, from radiation poisoning.
o______o
Ancient Aliens!!
Yeah, looks like TB, but it could also be syphilis combined with medical malpractice. They treated syphilis with mercury in those days, so it was a toss-up which would kill you first — the illness or the cure.
chronic arsenic poisoning (low doses) could account for most of the symptoms, or even lead poisoning. any of those fun heavy metals could do the trick. or even systemic infection if his parents had him soldered into a boys’ chastity belt. putcher willy in the hole which had teeth around it, if you got a woody the device poked little holes in “him”. quite the little deterrent.
Is there a woman version? I would love to see that.
It never made it past the petticoats
Masturbation keeps you young, beautiful and in good temper. Just look at me!
Rather than dying, they should have made him turn into Gollum.
My dear… my darling… fap, fap.. PRECIOUUUUUSS…. (end of fapping)
hmm, this has made me think. maybe I SHOULD stop fapping, and try to live in a world free from this form of pleasure
(5 minuites later) well, that didnt last long. what else is the internet for?!
If you scroll up from the final panel, it’s a delightful story about how masturbation saved a sickness-ridden young man at the brink of death!
But …. but … this is in French! I thought only us pore dum Merrkans were ever this ignorant and repressed!
They just got over it faster.
Maybe the fact that our nation was founded by a group of people so uptight the British told them to GTFO had something to do with it.
The colonists of Jamestown et al who came in the name of the Crown to populate new lands in the name of the empire? OHHH you mean the Puritans who came later and colonized a region farther down the coast. Or perhaps the various nationalities that have joined the population since? Quite different people, but I guess a witty retort negates the need for accuracy. Also, the French “got over it faster?” Stop reading the Onion, you don’t get the joke.
Heeheheheehehehe… you are teh awesomness.
I am thirteen and so glad I got to read this. I am Never doing *THAT* again! EVER!
If it provides the same amount of exercise as a 20 minute jog, you’re doing it wrong. ;P
I would like to have my teeth singing “I will survive” xD lol
Good thing this dosent apply to girls!
“A slow fever consumes him, he declines; all of his body burns up…”
But his pustules cleared right up. That’s a plus.
this sounds like the plague lol
Well that sounds like a mix of Tuberculosis and Radiation poisoning. Quite enjoyable.
Rule 34?
Tuberculosis and smallpox is what came to my mind.